Place #3

June 30th 2015,

This evening I was fortunate enough to be invited to a party filled with individuals who have graduated, who just graduated, and kids still in high school. The variety of people I got to be around was a really amazing experience for me, and made me really miss the party’s that were not (and that have been) the same group of people I see constantly. Tonight was very special in meeting new people, and creating friendships (and followers on instagram… I’m kidding!!). But all jokes aside it was a really beautiful night for me and it brought in this new month for me in all the best ways imaginable.

The past school year has been this intense and overwhelming roller coaster for feelings toward people I love and want to be with, and friendships that sadly had to come to this abrupt end moving the year by angrily, slowly, and grudgingly. It wasn’t fun, and every small mishap or accident or bad grade made the world seem like it was going to collapse on me right then and there without so much as a warning. And, surprisingly I made it through the year, harmed and battered up a bit yes, but for the most part happier then I thought I would have been.

So this evening I got the chance to create this really cool friendship with the most wonderful woman named Dana, and it was really amazing and overwhelming because of how nice she was (still is) and made me realize that I don’t need to keep convincing myself that people love me. Of course I need the reassurance once in a while but other than that I need to come to terms that I can stop convincing and tricking myself into thinking that people love me, because they do, and its time for me to lie back on the self-absorbance and begin to love all of these people back. It really amazes me that I keep having all of these moments where I clue into life and all these realizations that come to me in these massive waves have helped me out in more ways than one, and I am constantly thanking myself for allowing my brain to do these wonderful things. It’s almost comical.

Before going to the party I went to Café Remedy to indulge myself in a mug of Chai and a chance to spend time with myself. Everyone who was there was sitting at their own tables either by themselves or with a friend or two absorbed in conversations and books. Everyone’s chatter drowned out the music but it was still there for someone to tap their foot to. It was a warm evening environment that helped energize my sleepy-self before the night ahead.

While walking down the streets the air was humid and a tad smoky and the sky was a light overcast and tinted a pastel orange, all of the trees hung over the streets like canopies you would see in photographs in National Geographic magazines, people were out walking hand-in-hand or riding their bike to their desired destination. I noticed there are a lot more people who are riding their bikes and it makes me so happy because yay! Saving the environment!! Essentially it was a beautiful evening and I was glad I was not trapped inside of my room binge watching some show I only half care about.

After saying hello to all the cool people and after Dana and I chatted and laughed one another’s ear’s off I found myself around the fire with faces I have never been so relieved to see. Erica and Alexa were there (they’re my “moms”) talking with each other and Nathan about experiences so far this summer, and Hope, Erin and Alice were there laughing and drinking fancy wine. Isabella was talking about school and art and work with this gentleman named James who makes the most incredible sculptures (please go check out his blog), Ben was there and I didn’t talk to him a whole lot but when I did he was filled with all of these facts about science and space, and his eyes lit up with this child-like excitement and it was really beautiful and entertaining to watch. Braedon and Devon were smoking cigarettes and I got to “officially” become Devon’s friend which was super exciting (these two also make cool art and take photographs and stuff so definitely check them out!). But all of these people were around the fire letting the warmth of the coals make their faces glow a warm orange and I couldn’t stop looking at everyone and feel nothing but grateful and happy that they all interact with me. It’s just really cool when I get to be surrounded by people I look up to in many ways and they chat with me and sit beside me!!!! I am very thankful for everyone and I wish I could tell them all that I love them everyday.

The evening felt smooth and my cheeks were rosy all night. Laughter was the most common noise I made, and watching drunk girls help each other out and compliment each other made for adorable/memorable moments. I love watching different people interact with each other and all the possible conversations that can be created instantaneously, there was nothing but a positive and loving aura surrounding the yard, and any time anyone needed anything someone was ready to jump in and help to the best of their abilities.

I got to take a cab back to Kit’s house with her and Dana, of course we didn’t go to bed right away, but rather chatted about plenty. Being around them made me feel really lucky.

I’m not entirely sure what else to put for this entry, and quite honestly I struggled through this entire thing as I am still trying to find the art of blog format for writing so bear with me as I continue to figure it all out! I am hoping to bring more photography and maybe another topic of writing, I am still trying to see what I like and what fits alongside my backpack entries. I am also going to start figuring out set dates for entry posts because so far its been all over the place, so again thank-you all for your patience and I am sorry this entry sucked!



Place #2

June, 21st 2015

Today was the Solstice; a day to welcome in summer with warm (Ha!) hands and freed toes from wool socks! Of course it has already started to feel like summer with hot temperatures and sun showers but today it felt absolutely official. Even though I have an exam the next day I managed to find a break period where I could go wandering through the forest (with some pals) to collect flowers and take in all the green around me, get a real chance to say hello to summer and everything that comes with the warm sun and the steady breeze.

One of the most important aspects of being a child is the imagination that can accumulate inside the brain. All the different stories and creatures that can be created is endless and totally magical, but unfortunately a lot of kids lose that by the time they turn 12, everyone is so focused on fitting into this “social norm” we as a society have created that kids forget that it’s okay to (here’s a cliché) colour outside of the lines, that its okay to imagine that extraordinary creatures exist!!! Luckily, I haven’t lost that! Its still going and I am still creating and believing in “childish” things! And its super jazzy and great!

So this evening, I spent my time stepping quietly though a fairy forest where mounds of dirt are planted under low hanging branches covering sleeping giants. I told my brother and two family friends of the goblins that like to perch at the tops of rotting trees where they can throw pinecones at whoever upsets them. We tiptoed through the nesting grounds of Griffins and ducked under bridges that trolls have left for the day to go and find sticks and snacks for nighttime guard shifts. The sky was a blue you could find in the richest bubblegum ice cream, while dark rainclouds were slowly rolling in, but not quite trapping the sun yet.

We walked on old boardwalks that carried us over a marsh that was settling down for the night when we noticed a small path and yellow flowers. I pushed the boys to go first and then followed after them leaping over mud and sharp twigs, it was like a small gate we had to go through but already holding the key in our curiosity. After getting over the mud and following little patches of yellow flowers we arrived into this meadow hidden under a tall canopy of trees. The sun managed to break through the leaves and shine on the flowers making it seem as if there were fireflies gently hanging from the thin stems. It was absolutely breathtaking to be there and to brush my hands through whimsical-like grass, and to see everything that is beyond capable of holding this simplistic beauty. It was amazing, and the teeny discovery of this sacred place left me dancing around like a child again.

My summer solstice was filled with feelings of euphoria and the excitement kids have when the high pitched songs of the ice cream truck are herd in the distance, and absorbing myself into moments of wonder and and bliss. Of course there was plenty of studying and the craving to rip out all of my hair, but by simply going for an hour 1/2 long walk and playing pretend made the thought of diving back into books effortless and okay. So I decided to take a photo of my backpack at this place because now I know where I plan on spending lazy afternoons and where I’ll take photographs of all my friends, and it’s this magical place that seems so peaceful and untouched by people even though its completely surrounded by busy roads and the suburbs.

Back to the whole imagination discussion, I hope this summer you manage to either re-discover your endless afternoons of make believe, or I hope you embrace that side of you you haven’t quite lost yet. I encourage you all to go wandering through thick forests and to run through fields and catch bugs. I want you to embrace the dirtiness summer can hold whether that be splashing in puddles or making mud pies. I want to abolish the idea that all of this is only for children and I want everyone to live without worry for at least a month or two. Please don’t hide inside, because there are flowers to be seen and bike rides to be shared with best friends. I wish you all a summer of happiness and freedom.


Place #1

June 11th 2015

Place 1   I often find myself sitting on dirty platforms of train stations with a pen and my journal in hand; what I write about is odd and at most time’s cliché, but there is comfort in background conversations and awful commercials playing on the mini TVs. This afternoon (after school) I spent time on Whyte Ave with my best friend Cassie! We like to go to this amazing Vietnamese sub place called “V Sandwiches” it is definitely one of the best places to eat on Whyte, meaning their tofu is amazing! We sat outside and planned our short film we are hoping to do this summer, it’s all very strange and almost meaningless, but we’re attempting to find reasons for everything even if the thought isn’t there right away, because why would we think about it if it had no meaning of appearing? Right?

While brainstorming a literal storm was slowly crawling over our heads, and Cassie’s laptop was becoming short of battery, but we continued to yell ideas at one another and giggle like 12 year old girls whenever we caught the hotel bell boy looking at us. It made me laugh because Cassie has a boyfriend, so unfortunately she is very much off of the market. Eventually The thunderstorm erupted, but we didn’t get up right away we just sat there quietly looking at each other while occasionally laughing because we new this would be a bad idea eventually, but it didn’t matter in that moment, i felt very content and had this realization that sitting here in the pouring rain was not only a total movie moment but a moment to take in how much this incredible woman means to me and how lucky I am that I get to exist at the same time as her, It was really nice… Then of course we started to run to the nearest store to seek shelter but before running into Chicken Scratch (a cute gift shop) we danced on the side walk allowing the rain to land on us one final time.

That afternoon was a time of remembrance for the freedom we used to experience on a more regular occurrence, it was this magical moment for me and caused my blood to rush and my teeth to show constantly because I knew, summer was coming, summer is coming, its so close, I am so close to late nights, and dumb ideas and placing myself in dangerous conditions because I think what I am doing is entertaining not only for myself but others. Dumb, I know.

I love sitting on bus benches. They are absolutely disgusting and serve as a bed to many homeless people, and they serve as this stabilizer for drunk people who become tired of wobbling all over the street to get home or to their cab. They can be canvases for teenagers in desperation of expressing themselves as well as for elders to rest their sore knees while feeding birds??? (Maybe??) But (all jokes aside) they also serve a purpose for not only those things, and actually waiting for a bus, but as well as a moment of discussion and discovery of whoever you may be talking to, whether that be yourself through writing in your journal or talking to a group of friends or even a stranger. Sitting on a bench can place you in this situation of being observant and curious, which is causing you to be attentive to the world around you. For me I notice almost everything!! How, everyone has a different walk even in the slightest way, how they looked at the people they are with, or how stores have dirty or clean windows. Having that moment to sit and look around and take in what’s around myself.

So, we sat on the bus bench and talked, I don’t remember about what, but I know I felt really good after talking to her; I always manage to feel better after talking with her. But we sat there, waiting for my bus, like I said what we talked about has long left my head but just being in the presence of her fills any empty spot of memory loss.

Getting on the bus was a blur; I searched for my bus pass as my pockets turned into a maze of old flyers and bubblegum wrappers and sat across from the back door to watch as people stumbled to find seats, or get off completely. I let the bus take me to the University Station (that’s where this photo was taken) because I hadn’t gotten to take pictures of the station since April, due to losing my phone like the fool I am. Being there waiting for the train caused me to grow even more excited for after High School and finally getting to leave Edmonton to go to University in Vancouver! The fear and anxiousness hasn’t managed to drown me yet, which is a nice relief for now, but as I get closer to becoming an adult legally (this November) and as I come into my final year of high school (FOREVER) I am sure I’ll start to feel like throwing up on a daily basis.

However! Knowing I will soon become a grownup and have to become responsible and mature makes me want to do better in school and be better toward myself and others, so dwelling on all the negative stuff and scary aspects of it all is getting pushed more to the back of my head! I am becoming more confident in myself and the talents I have developed through high school, and I am becoming more trustful in the choices I make and the paths I am starting to take. I know Vancouver’s theatre and film scene is full of incredible opportunity so I will get a chance to show my work on a bigger spectrum then Edmonton can offer me (and i mean this in the most respectful way possible to my city) and I really don’t want to miss out on my chances!

Spending this day with Cassie left me feeling optimistic and ready for a lot of things, and it also made me content with where I am at right now. I hope you guys keep up with future posts, and I hope I also keep up with future posts!